Forgivness Sunday

                                                       

 Forgiveness Sunday.

I love Forgiveness Sunday.  Everything we need to know is right there.  We are all sinners, and by the way, I am the worst.  We learn that we have the gift of repentance that we can turn and live by loving and forgiving our brother.  It's a short journey and we begin as we end, in the resurrection of Christ where the bonds of death can no longer hold us captive.  Nothing now can separate us from the love of God.  Here we are on this forty-day journey and in the end we begin where we end at the cross and the life-giving tomb.  Beautiful.

Please forgive me, the sinner, because I know my actions and thoughts have had far reaching effects.

Christ is Risen!

Along the Way

I feel like I am on this journey into the complete unknown, but not unknown.  I have not been where I am going, but feel like it is where I have always been heading.  I know it is crazy that I do the work I do and have no money to do it with.  It is just that I can't not do it.  I feel most alive when I do my work for the Chicagoland Green Burial Society.  I feel the hum inside me and the light ahead.  I keep moving.  I keep trusting that in the end, I will be able to fund this work, and I will be able to support my family all the while  making things right for all of us when the time comes and hearts are broken.  I just hope that this work helps people begin to see their life in joy, peace and love and have no fear of death.  Death certainly causes us pain when someone we love dies, but it need not be feared.  Fear keeps us from saying what needs to be said.  Fear keeps us from fighting the good fight. And fear paralyzes us.  May we move forward in truth and love.

Simple Beauty

I have fallen head over heels in love with the beauty of Illinois prairie-lands.  Don't get me wrong, my true and best love is Wisconsin.  I love her rolling hills, forest and the glacial formations.  Truly, Wisconsin is a gem.   But, the prairies have taken this woodlands girl and said, "I know we will not be your true love, but why not love the one you're with. There's always room for one more."  Since I had nothing better to do, I fell for the beauty of the prairies.  They are majestic and quiet.  These are not obvious beauties, they are subtle and worm their way into the soul.  I look out on a prairie and I am awed of their simple, essential beauty.  They give nothing more and nothing less that what is needed to make the heart sing.

I will take a moment to speak to the skies of the prairies.  I have never seen skies like this - open free and blue!    Sometimes the skies just take my breath away, and I look out and think anything is possible here.  The skies are open, and so my soul opens, seeking new possibilities and new beauty.

I am most grateful to be here.  All around me I am reminded to seek the simple and beautiful way.  I am reminded open my heart to love, and even make room for new adventures - ones I  never in my wildest dream thought I would ever dream.  I am grateful to be here.

Power of Love

Love never ends.  I believe there is always room for one more in your heart to love.  I believe that when you love someone, in some way, you are saving them and yourself from the storm that buffets us in this life.  Love becomes the safe haven.  Love nurtures a weakened soul, and body (since we are one, body, spirit, intellect). I believe that we are created to meet each other where we are, and love each other knowing full well how inadequate our love is compared to the Love that is eternal.  Yet, we love, and learn to love more in each day of our lives. Love is an act not an emotion.  Love is doing something for someone when we don't want to because we know the other person needs something  and we can give it. Love is giving what we can, and not knowing the results.  We are all members one to another just by the simple fact that we are all human. Let us love one another.  Let us exorcise love in all things.  The more we practice, the better we can love.  Love hopes all things. 

Pascha Eggs

I love decorating eggs every year.  I love that each egg is different from any other egg I have ever made.  I love that I create eggs for the moment, for the feast and that each moment and each Pascha is unlike the next.  These little creations, little works of art that last so briefly, reminds us that each moment is but a gift and a thing of beauty that passes away to the next.  On Pascha, we are reminded of this passing through this life, and into the next.  May we remember to love the moments we are given as beautiful works of the Lord.

Dead Already

Dead already.  I have been thinking about this for a few weeks.  We, as Christians say that we have been crucified and buried with Christ at baptism.  We die Him in a death like His and  when we come up out of the waters and  we are live in Christ.  We live no longer for our own petty desires, but to strive to live as Christ on earth, to be Christ-bearers in the world.  If, in fact, we are dead to this world, to our sins, and alive in Christ why then do we seek out other things to distract us from the Gospel, from the life-giving, love creating words that we love one another just as Christ loved us?  I think of the Band of Brothers episode when a solider was so scared he could not move and many other soldiers came to him to tell him how to behave in a war zone.  Finally, a soldier who had displayed amazing courage, told him that he was looking at it wrong, and that he was already dead.  Then he could go do the work of a soldier.  I wonder if we think of ourselves as already dead what we could achieve in truth and love.  Would we be afraid to reach out to our brother who suffers if we already knew we did not have to worry about keeping everything together?  If we were not afraid of losing our home and security, would we reach out to those all around us who suffer in silence or right out loud? As we approach the death and resurrection of Christ this weekend, as we travel under that winding sheet and  and kiss the gospel, maybe we can remember that we are already dead, and alive in Christ.  If we are alive in Christ, let us embrace each other even those who hate us and forgive all by the resurrection of Christ.

I'm So Fired Up

Tomorrow is the big one......It is our first big time presentation in front of folks I don't know.  Having said that, I can't wait.  I have always been like that.  Opening night could not come soon enough as far as I was concerned.  I always just wanted to be on the stage doing the thing.  For those who know me, this might be a strange thing to find out about me.  I have a softer voice than most folks.  I always worked on projection of my voice.   I know I can have volume, but making it work has sometimes been a challenge for me. My neighbor in Hamilton says that everyone in the neighborhood knew I could be loud.  Having kids will do this to a person. At any rate, tomorrow, I get to stand and speak about things dear to me, and things I know are important for folks to hear.  No one wants to talk about death.   The industry knows it, and has made it their business to keep folks from exorcising their rights under the law.  In Illinois, the industry has lobbied to have the law change in 2009 so that we no longer have a say as to who can handle our body in death.  That is so not right.  It is so wrong,  I wonder why there are not riots in the street, but then again......no one wants to talk about death.  They can do what they want and most of us follow along because we don't know we can do something different.  So, I am fired up. 

No Words

Just a Word About Lent

Sin.....A big word, and in some circles, a very bad word.  It's a word that has suffered from popularity and from disuse.  I like the Orthodox view that sin as us missing the mark.  We are off target and need to aline the site better, perhaps, to hit it straight on.  In Lent we are asked to repent, and try hitting the target better, which might be why we are to give alms more, and try loving those around us more.  Lent is like a little school for us to learn to rely on God, and love our brother more.  We have to wake up to the truth and action of the Gospel.  Lent is just the time to start moving toward that target.  We get all our tools ready: fasting, prayer, alms giving, and we go out to love.

Preparing for Great Lent

Each year, I am struck by the wisdom of the church for easing us into Great Lent.  We are not thrown into it without preparation and warning.  Sometimes I think that Zacchaeus Sunday wakes us from the sleep and laziness of the festivals of the incarnation.  We move from the party time into a wake up Sunday were we are reminded that the Lord will come, and maybe unexpectedly.  I love Zacchaeus Sunday.  I start to pay attention.

Not only are we warned that we are entering the Great Lent by a series of "Wake-Up Sundays"  that culminates in to the Expulsion from the Garden,  where we had better wake up and start the great exercise, but we enter also train ourselves physically.  We start to prepare to fast, by having the fast free week, then a week were we dip into the fast just a bit.  We then have the meat free week, and finally The Fast begins.  As I said last year, we begin where we end, in the glory of the resurrection of Christ.  How wise it all is to me.  The deck is stacked, we are to all end in the light of the Risen Lord, so there's no need to despair.  The Fast is never to be a chore, but a joyful preparation to receive the joy of Pascha. 

The work of The Fast is so much more than controlling the mouth.  I, for one, find controlling what I put in it and what comes out of it to be a great exercise.   I like to shoot off my mouth from time to time, what my mother calls being smarty pantsy.  It is a great temptation for me.  The other part of The Fast is to pray more and give alms.  We are to let go of our egos, and turn toward The Living God for the fullness of life.  That requires us to love those he has given us in our life.  (Another task I find difficult.)  Sure, I find loving those who are a delight to be easy.  Those who challenge me in love are those I have difficulty because for one reason or another they threaten some part of me.  I am not asked to love those who are easy.  I am asked to love my enemies.  What a better time to practice this than in the season of The Great Fast where I can put away the extra distracting things, focus on what I am doing to pollute the world and make an effort to repent and change, and not for myself alone but for my brother. Praying for those I find difficult, so my heart is changed toward them might be the only action I can do at first.  Sometimes it takes awhile to turn the heart to flesh.  God willing, it will.  So wise is the Church.  How hard is it to enter the season of fasting without first preparing for it! I am grateful for the wisdom to give us a chance to prepare and enter into the joy of the fast awake and willing.

The Begining of the Begining

And then we enter Lent.  Many might remember the last Lent.  Most might not remember for us it was the Lent that wasn't.  We spent all our time at the tomb, and very little time at the Feast.  David's mother's household things were packed and moved on Holy Saturday.  I remember standing on our back porch in Hamilton at almost Midnight and felt the hush of Pascha. We went the next morning to the Western Rite Monastery where we sang Western Easter hymns.  This year we enter Lent, and we are in a totally place: physically, spiritually and emotionally.  Every Lent and Pascha brings a particular gift.  I look forward to the journey to arrive on the Holy Day Without Evening of the Pascha of our Lord where we remember that we belong to each other through His Death and Resurrection.  I don't just mean those who believe,  I mean all mankind.  Such and awesome journey were we learn again to rely on the Lord.  Blessed beginning of the beginning to you all and remember this week we eat meat on Friday.

The Incarnation and Love





I woke up this morning thinking about the incarnation.  I know how that sounds.  This does not happen to me often.  I am not always thinking on such high ideals.  So much rattles around in my head, it's a wonder something true gets through.  Anyway, I was thinking about the incarnation and how God goes to all this trouble to become a man so that we can become more like him.  I was thinking, as I put my feet to the floor, what do I do to honor such an act of love.  Here is this God who has and is everything, He empties himself to become a human baby boy to die on the cross, and what am I doing to show love and respect for such an act.  I was hard pressed to come up with a good answer.  I remember hearing Fr. Alexander Golizin speak once in Great Lent about Christ dying on the cross, and how we need only die a little. I believe he meant die to our passions and that which keeps us from loving God and our brother.  Maybe if I could just love a little bit, that would honor the incarnation and the love of God for us.  Just a little bit.  How can I ever hope to love as God loves?  Christ is Born!  Glorify Him!

Clarity

I had this moment of clarity today.   Today  I saw what I needed to see, and knew all will be well because I could see so clearly.  I love it when this happen, and look forward to what comes of it.  It is a good thing to grow up and be able to look at yourself and know what you had suspected all along.

My Small Plea to Make a Plan

Death has been on my mind a lot lately because I now work in the "End of Life" Industry.  It's a whole new world out there when you work so closely to an industry that services vulnerable people.   What I am learning now, is that we all need to educate ourselves in what our options are.  That is why I am working on my Green Burial Seminar.  I have learned so much in the last three months about what our rights are, and what we are told.  We all need to look at our mortality, and make plans.  It's so easy for our loved ones to be taken in hand and told what they need to do because we have not taken the time to make our own decisions on what we want.  I don't think that the industry is necessarily filled with folks waiting to take advantage.  From what I have seen, for the most part, are people who want to help people.  The trouble is that in the time of need we follow along conventional paths.  I spent all day working on my seminar.  I love this subject.  I need to start limiting my scope and make it pithy.  As the Queen of the Nutshell, this appeals to me.  Make a plan.  Talk with those you love!  You never know what is around the corner.

The Wall

It's strange to me how sometimes in life we come to a point were all seems hopeless and we just do not want to go on, and we give up.  Then if we just move a little toward what we want all changes, and we are able to move.  Sometimes this feels like a tangible wall.  Sometimes it feels deep down in your gut and it's just a terrible feeling like nothing is right.  I find this interesting and strange.  Sometimes it goes on for quite sometime and it's a dark night of the soul, and sometimes it's the afternoon or a few days.  What I learn from this is that once I let go of the control factor, things tend to settle into place.  Maybe it's the letting go of the ego of the situation.  I know me ego gets in the way of lots of things that I can accomplish.  That is to say, I get in my own way.  What I am struck with is the moment before things change, that sometimes is indeed dark.  If I can give up my ego and continue down the path that I am convinced is correct, things get much better.

Babies and Mothers

A mother came in yesterday to talk about the marker of her baby who died thirty years ago.  Her grief was palpable.  She kept telling me that she and her husband did not have the money at the time to complete the marker and wanted to do so now.  She looked to me like any mother who wants the best for her babies, and who could just not do it at the time, but did her very best.  I could not find all the information we needed for all the details she wanted to know.  We will meet later.  I went out to search out the grave.  I am new and I need to learn the park, and I wanted to have some idea  what kind of marker I was dealing with.  I found it, along with the bouquet with a beautiful white ribbon.  I know the father did not come with her, and I know that the anniversary date was soon.  I cried for her, her baby and for the near loss of my own babies.  Some of the story I had not told my sweet husband until this morning because it was so terrible and scary and near bleak.  I am so grateful for my two boys, and my own life.  Had I had these babies a eighty years ago, I would not have survived the first and if I had, the second child would not have lived.  I live everyday with  miracles, gifts I do not deserve.  Peace to all mothers.

There's No Justice. There's Just Us

For a week or more I have had this little saying I read in a Canadian women's prison running through my head.  I used to think it was the women acting out and feeling sorry for themselves.  I think it would be easy to do in prison, sometimes I manage to do so without the benefit of being incarcerated.  I have been thinking that there really is not real justice when it comes to humans passing it out.  We are flawed and tend towards wanting to enslave each other in one way or another.  As Christians we hope in the justice of God knowing  it is a justice of love.  Sometimes I wonder if I could handle that.  If we follow Christ, we know that we are here to love each other.  I mean we are to love the person next to us, the one most immediate.  I am not always very good about that.  I tend to love the ones that are easy for me to love.  What I want to do is to love more boldly and love those who I find hard to love.  In that way, the world changes.  I do not believe we can change the world for the better, making people do things they do not want to do just because it makes our lives softer.  In a nutshell, there is not justice, there is just us.  All we have is each other, and we may as well try to love each other more if we want to change the world. 

Connected

This last week, I sat with no fewer than three families who had lost their loved ones.  I am amazed that my work  brings me into contact with people at such tender times in their lives.  On Friday, I led a funeral of a man who served for his country.  I am sorry to say, that while I have access to some of his military record, I had not found the time to read it.  I have no idea where he served to what he did.  What I do know is that the Navy sent out two of her men to attend the funeral and perform the full military honors due him.  I pulled up, and because I was the lead car, I was the first car my car was saluted.  I felt completely unworthy of it, and of course I am.  When have I risked my life for countless many who I do not even know and those yet unborn.  As I got out and waited for him to be carried out of the hearse, I was struck again that while this was a family event, all of us were touched in someway by this man and somehow that makes it a public event.  I stood there and thought of how all of us are connected in ways we do not even know and how we all belong to one another.  Every person is part of our lives in one way or another.  We are the same humanity, and our actions effect the lives of everyone on the planet.  This gives me pause.  I know I am responsible for my actions and I can not even begin to see what they do to those I have not met, and to those yet unborn.  May I keep getting back up, every time I fall.  May I learn to love and serve my brother I have yet to meet.  May my heart open to the possibilities of love. May I be peace.

Love When the Sky is Falling

Ten years have past since that bright Tuesday that changed our lives.  Still, when I look back,  I tremble with the fear and anger I felt when The Towers fell.  I know enough to know that the primary emotion is fear, and then anger follows.  I know that fear is a killer as well as its close buddy anger.  I know also there is no love in fear and anger.  I know that I must always pray for my enemies for they are really my brothers, and if I think about it, they are me.  We are all made of the same stuff, and so are bound together.  Those who drove those airplanes in those buildings were most likely not thinking that we were all  the same.  I suspect they were thinking we were those guys.  This day's memory brings me to that core belief that we are the same, and that we are made to love each other and shakes it like nothing else ever has.  I remember my husband and I afterwards going to the icon corner and saying our prayers.  We made an effort to included prayers for love of enemies because I knew I did not want to.  I struggle with the old man when this day comes.  I know we are all in this together and that we are to love those who even seek to kill us.  Such a tall order for me on a day like this.  I also think of those who loved others and willingly gave their lives so that others might live.  So on a day that has such hatred, fear and anger, I remember also a day filled with love, kindness and bravery to such a degree, I can never get my head around some of it.  May I be more and more like the first responders and go in and love especially when the sky is falling.

Blue Skies

These skies are unbelievable!!!!! 

I have my sweet husband and partner in crime with me.  Our children are in school, and my husband and I  begin to make sure we have the space here for our things.  We have begun our adventure together in the USA.

As my husband said today, it took 45 years to get a Vuyadinov  in America, but it has finally happened.  My father-in-law always wanted his family to live in the US, but chose to live in Canada because David was on the way and it would have taken another year to immigrate to the USA.  Tata wanted his family to live in the New World, so he took his family to Canada since he had an Australian passport, and could live in Canada.  That man had the most powerful dream to live on after his death.  We are doing as he always wanted, and for which he sacrificed.  I loved, love that man and am so honored to fulfill his dream.

It's blue skies.