I find that in grief, I am often like a small child who has had her teddy bear taken away. I was a child who had a very strong relationship with a "slightly padded" bear, and quite frankly she still resides in my home. My parents will tell you the first time they heard what my mother describes as a Celtic cry came when my bear lost an eye. They both thought that I had broken my arm. I say this to set my description of grief. I hate losing my loved ones. I hate it. I also sometimes feel like a child throwing a temper tantrum. I find myself in a situation that I can not control and if given a chance it would not resemble what it has become. I whine. I hate whining.
The truth is that I lost someone I did not imaging losing so soon in my life. For that I am angry and deeply sad. I could tell you who Branka Stancev was, but no one would understand who she was unless they spent time with her. She was complicated. She did not start off as my friend, but we became friends and she as a brilliant grandmother. We will all figure it out and move forward and continue to be family. She and my father-in-law came to the new world for a reason. That was to have a better life for all of us. I have the deepest respect for her and her husband, my father-in-law. I miss them both.
I can't edit these, so please have mercy. What I write; I write from he heart.
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