I've resisted writing for so long since all I am feeling and thinking about seems to me to be whining, and I hate whining. I suppose it stands to reason that as I start to pack up this life, sift through the stuff I have that little resentments and regret would come to the surface. Let's be clear, I never intended to live in Canada forever. That was my first mistake. I never created a home. We have a place to sleep and generally live, but not a home as I would have liked to have made. That comes from me not thinking it mattered since I was not going to live here for long let alone raise children in this house. We picked this house for David and me to live in with a dog. That worked. Kind of worked. The fact that I never felt at home here, never felt right or that I fit in ever helped me. If you call it vibrations or the culture or whatever, I never felt like I was right for the place I found myself in. Mind you, I have always known that my home was where David was. I have always wanted to live where he was and that has been Canada for the last thirteen years. Now, I get to go home. I left in 1992 for seminary with the intention to return in two years. That did not happen. I met David my second year and we became friends in my third year. I love him. Now, I get to go home and be with my people, my family and friends. I get to return to the diocese that helped in part pay for my seminary and that feels so right. My children get to know their family, of the water, body and heart. I teach my children that we have three types of people in our family those that we are related to of the body, those through baptism, and those we love that come into the family. We have many such people where we are headed and it feels to right. I have learned much in Canada, and God has sent me people to love and share my life with. I am grateful for each and everyone of you. I count you as my family and I love you with my heart knowing you are gifts to me from God. Without you, I do not know how I would have fared here. Your have been oasisis in this desert crossing, point of light in this very dark journey. David and I have been through major life changes and not always the easiest starting with his father's death in 2004. I see light and I want it so badly. The trick is to not let those past hurts and wounds get in the way or tie me to them and keep me from moving forwards. I hope this has not been whiny. I know the treasures I will take with me is the love of friendship people along the way have shown me even when I have not been able to be a good friend in return. Thank you.
