I have had time to think of why it is that my living area is not what I would have hoped for. Clearly when we moved in, we should have created a home, where we planed on leaving as soon as possible so we did not fix what we would have. Don't get me wrong. We fixed a lot about this house when we moved in, but we never thought of it as the place we would live in for thirteen years. That makes a difference. My dad and I would talk about the importance of beginnings, and it would have probably been less stressful if I had heeded his wisdom.
On the other hand, I have always hung on to things and these last few weeks, I have let go of so much. I kept hearing Fr. Thomas Hopko's words to me that even if it's a thread that binds us, we are still bound and not free. I feel free now. The other aspect of the letting go is something I never though of before. I think I worried that letting go of certain material things would be letting go of me or my story. Not so. I have learned that the stories live in me and not in the material things I have. In fact, I am more "me" without them. I am happier without them.
I am so peaceful now. I am preparing to come home. I want this beginning to free me and allow me to live the life I wish, surrounded by my friends and family. I ran away nearly twenty years ago to seek a great adventure in seminary. I got a great one. Even the hardships of these last seven years are gold and treasure to me. They may have been painful, but the lessons I learned were precious and I have a clearer understanding of things. I am so grateful for those I have met on this part of my life journey. Those people who I have met and who I love have been a refuge for me and my family these last seven years and I only regret I could have been better friends to them. I love you, and you will always have a sweet spot in my heart for you have been kind to me when I had very little to give. Thank you.
